Queer ethnic people are one of the most invisible population groups even in their own communities. They are typically surrounded by a heterosexual family and have minimal access to adult lesbian and gay communities. For queer ethnic young people in Aotearoa New Zealand, the intersections of family, culture, religion, race, and migration status make disclosing queerness a complex and fraught journey. In addition, the small population of “out” ethnic queers in Aotearoa makes it difficult for young ethnic people to find community and support if and when they choose to come out.

Disclosing one’s queerness was not seen as a process or journey that was meant for everyone, and for many young ethnic queers, “letting in” depended on their family, community, and social environment. In communities where homosexuality was considered to contravene cultural and religious ideals, queer ethnic young people had self-doubts about their feelings toward others of similar-sex and often denied or dismissed these emotions. Coming out to oneself was a challenge for many as they realized that they had to own their own truth before disclosing this truth to others.

For many ethnic queers, the act of “coming out” was repeated in several situations for a variety of reasons. This could be when parents and families had difficulty accepting their queerness, believed that it was just a particular phase in their lives, or reminded them in subtle or less subtle ways that they expected them to marry someone of the opposite sex.

The level of vulnerability and acceptance that young ethnic queers felt with their family influenced the degree to which they disclosed their queerness. They knew that the risks of disclosure included homelessness, being ostracized, or shame-talked by the family. They were also aware that the reputation of their family would be damaged if the extended family or community found out that someone in the family was queer and this was effective at silencing their expressions of queerness or any discussions on the subject. While young ethnic queers recognize the significance of coming out, their familial relationship, kinship, and loyalty take precedence in their decision not to openly disclose their queerness.

For young ethnic queers, the prominence given to their queerness by family and community detracted from the many other areas of their lives such as being a sister, brother, dancer, researcher, daughter, child, friend, or partner.

Some parents of young ethnic queers had made a determined effort to understand their children through counselling, and the young people had accepted that they needed to give parents time to process their queerness. For ethnic young people though, it was the most wonderful and affirming experience for them when parents were accepting of their queer identity.

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Family and community make a significant contribution to the lives of ethnic young people in Aotearoa New Zealand. Community is seen as a shared place where commonly held beliefs, attributed to cultural and religious belief systems, informed interactions and relationships. However, the support that queer ethnic young people receive from family and community is compromised by homophobic attitudes and behaviours influenced by misinformation, religious beliefs, and cultural practices. Community attitudes and behaviours toward queerness impact young ethnic queers, their family and community relationships.

For many young ethnic queers in Aotearoa, their communities used ‘respectability politics’ to uphold cultural norms and to be accepted by society. Gossip and rumors were used by the community to reinforce queerness as a Western ideology that sought to corrupt a community’s cultural and religious values. The gossip, rumors, silence, and stigma of family and community towards queerness resulted in gender silencing and monitoring, rejection, and self-exclusion of young ethnic queers as their sexual and gender identity became a barrier to their participation in family and community life. This exacerbated their feelings of cultural alienation in a society where ethnic people are already racialized and minoritized, and where the lack of support systems compounds an unsafe environment for queer ethnic young people.

Having queer children tended to rupture the family’s relationships with the community as many ethnic communities were intolerant of queer identity and reinforced the belief that queerness was not part of their cultural practices. The family’s need for social interactions and the desire to ‘save face’ with extended family and community thus impacted their acceptance of their children’s sexuality.

Although ethnic communities may appear to be less accepting of queerness, framing these communities as homophobic ignores the larger social, political, and economic contexts in which family and community rejection may take place. Homonegative attitudes within ethnic communities require education and interventions at the interpersonal as well as communal level. Dealing with other family members and communities who might not support a gender nonconforming child or children in similar sex relationships might be disconcerting and unsettling. Parents and families will need support and skills to manage these interactions and attitudes. Stigma and discrimination within families require interventions and education at the individual and interpersonal level as well as at a community and structural policymaking level. Overall, government and local bodies need to commit resources for the professional and social support of young ethnic queers, their families, and communities.

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The presence of long-term, ethnic, queer intimate partner relationships is missing from the landscape of the ethnic queer community in Aotearoa New Zealand. For young ethnic queers, this lack of visibility denies them knowledge of how ethnic queers form and develop intimate partner relationships in a society that marginalizes their ethnicity, and communities that stigmatize their queerness. Young ethnic queers are as contradictory in their expectations of intimate partner relationships as they are diverse in their experiences. From seeking monogamy to the freedom of polyamory, from wanting assurance of permanence to expecting partners to accept that relationships are finite, young ethnic people in queer relationships do not - or perhaps do not see the need to - follow a prescribed pattern.

Despite cultural traditions forbidding certain types of relationships, and the expectations for certain practices to take place, relationships are as diverse as the people and cultures. For young ethnic queers in Aotearoa, intimate partner relationships are happening despite being constrained by a small ethnic queer community and the expectation for heterosexual relationships within their ethnic communities.

Young ethnic queers define intimacy in ways that accommodate the type of relationship they are seeking at the time. For many of the ethnic queer female participants, multiple minority statuses result in additive stress caused by racism and having to hide their sexuality. In a society where heterosexual relationships are socially constructed as the norm, some of the participants hold heteronormative ideals of relationships. Mental health is rarely acknowledged or discussed in most ethnic communities in Aotearoa and it is difficult for queer ethnic young people to know how to cope with or seek help for mentally unwell partners. Societal condemnation of homosexuality leaves many young ethnic queers with internalized homophobia resulting in conflict with their intimate partner. Similarly, being in relationships with persons who hold racist beliefs undermines the self-worth of young ethnic queers particularly if they have chosen to continue the relationship.

Despite the pressures and expectations from their communities for heterosexual relationships, young ethnic queers still seek intimacy and affirmation from intimate partner relationships.

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Aotearoa New Zealand has come some way regarding the rights and protections of the LGBTQ+ community. Queer people are becoming increasingly recognized and embraced by society. However, the mainstream LGBTQ+ community in Aotearoa is largely focused on white queerness and there is a notable but unacknowledged absence of ethnic queers within mainstream society. Queer ethnic youth in Aotearoa New Zealand are a multi-marginalized group, many of whom are subjected to racism and racial microaggressions from a predominantly Pākehā (white) queer community. Queer ethnic young people in Aotearoa live at the intersection of racism and rejection and often find that they must constantly rationalize their existence or affirm their ethnic identity when among white queers. This presents a unique set of struggles for young ethnic queers who often find that they have to educate white queers, many of whom are unaware of, or unable to acknowledge their racism. Feeling safe in queer spaces brings comfort, community, and acceptance but these spaces were few. Privileging gay as the master identity in the queer community assumes that everyone experiences being gay in the same way, and restricting queer representation to this white racial frame has marginalized young ethnic queers. The intersecting identities of queer ethnic young people exposes them to white queers who often use their whiteness to illustrate their privilege and sustain their racism. The sexual racism experienced by young ethnic queers have resulted in them being sexually objectified, masculinized, or femininized by white queers and sometimes their own peers. LGBTQ+ people from diverse ethnic and religious backgrounds are calling for queer community organizations and services, events, and venues to cater to the diverse cultural backgrounds of their multicultural and multi-sexual populations. The openly queer ethnic community in Aotearoa is very small, but there is safety in numbers, as well as support, advocacy, affiliation, differences, and similarities in shared stories and experiences. Young and older ethnic queers need to build and strengthen their family and community of queers if they are to thrive in the presence of racism and adversity from the wider society and affirm their ethnic, gender, and sexual diversity.

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In Aotearoa New Zealand, social support services for queer communities continue to prioritize European identities and narratives and this presents challenges for queer ethnic young people seeking support. Currently, there are no funded organizations that provide social support focused on queer ethnic people, and the prevailing presence of racism and exclusion within the queer community exacerbates the adverse experiences of queer ethnic peoples seeking support. The multiple intersections of young ethnic queers highlight the lack of intersectional interventions and financial support necessary to ensure the wellbeing of queer ethnic communities which increases the likelihood that harmful practices and behaviours towards young ethnic queers will go unnoticed and unaddressed.

Many ethnic queers are left to deal with their own concerns around sexual orientation and gender identity because of a desire to maintain privacy and safety. Most rely on their own individual resources and networks when faced with racism, homophobia and homelessness. This leads to isolation, depression, and negative health outcomes compounded by the fear of separation from family. The absence of queer ethnic spaces in the city also makes it difficult for those coming from rural areas to connect with a queer community.

The organizations, collectives, and groups that do offer social support are seen by many queer ethnic young people as culturally and socially inappropriate. The mainstream LGBTQ+ spaces do not adequately address the needs of young ethnic queers, and the identifiable naming of queer places offering social support creates access barriers for those seeking safety and non-disclosure. The existing social support networks specifically for ethnic peoples have been founded and managed by volunteers with limited resources. In the absence of social support, queer ethnic young people have found that the Internet provides a sense of control, safety, and anonymity, and is useful for reaching out to other ethnic queers. Internet chatrooms enable queer ethnic young people to build networks, discuss safe sex practices, offer social support, and seek partners for physical sexual encounters.

Although there are legal consequences in Aotearoa for discrimination based on gender and/or sexual identity, health professionals who are part of the ethnic community may hold homonegative attitudes and prejudices and this limits access to services and resources for ethnic queers. This is compounded by queer ethnic young people unable to determine safe from unsafe professional organizations and institutions.

Young ethnic queers need culturally appropriate, queer-friendly, and culturally competent professionals and mental healthcare services with providers who understand their intersectional experiences and realities, in addition to providing professional support for their families.